Today was a ridiculous day. When most people say that, they mean “traffic was crazy” or “you won’t believe what happened at the office today”. In this case, I mean it was downright ridiculous.

It started with a bizarre flapping/thundering sound from outside the house. I looked outside to see a herd of platypi (platypodes, if you want to be pedantic) trampling down the middle of the street. They were being chased by a large bear in a sailor suit.

See what I mean? That was just the start.

Naturally, I was sure I was dreaming. My neighbors all came out to see, too, and seemed just as befuddled. Except for old Jim. That man was never phased by anything.

Well, the animals eventually dispersed. By the time the cops showed up, there was no sign of them. I have no idea what they wrote down in their little notepads, but it probably wasn’t flattering to any of us.

Unsure what to do next, I just got on with the day and went off to work. Traffic ground to a near halt around Exit 42. There were pink, candy-striped clouds in the sky. They were raining green taffy. (I’m trusting the judgment of someone who dared to taste it, here. He might have been lying.) You can imagine what this did to the road surface.

I tried to call my boss to tell him… well, something. I couldn’t imagine bothering with the truth. He didn’t pick up, anyway.

I wish I could say that was the last of it. I’ll tell you the rest some time, but I have to go pick out new clothes. Everything in my closet ran away.