Off Track

Well, my A/C is running for the moment. I’m also feeling slightly less lying curling up in a ball and whimpering. I even made it to work today and made progress on things! Go me!

One of these days, I might even feel back to normal again.

I lose momentum really easily. I feel like this year so far hasn’t given me much ability to gain it in the first place. Raiders worked out pretty well, it’s true. I’ve made it my absolute priority to write for my five minutes a day. Unfortunately, virtually every other aspect of discipline and routine in my life has fallen apart. Every time I think about getting back on my feet, something new happens. An illness, work stress, something new breaks and needs money thrown at it…

I don’t work well under these conditions. I feel like I’m spending almost all of my time on self-care just to keep my health and sanity at a subsistence level. It’s not sustainable like this, though. I’m losing a sense of any kind of progress or purpose. Thanks to medication, my depression has been kept largely at bay (save for my ineffective stint with Prednisone, which apparently negated antidepressants entirely). I still kind of lost, though.

Maybe one day I’ll feel on track again. Feel creative and alive again. Not today, though.

Maybe tomorrow.

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