Useless

“You know you still have to report this, right?” Jeremy asked. His face showed some concern, but that was belied by his wry smile.

“I already did, jerk,” I said. “Not that anyone’s going to care.” I shook my head and looked down at my hands, faintly glowing in the aftermath of using my new-found power. “Seriously, this is bull.”

“Hey, it’s more than some of us get!” Jeremy asked. His tone wasn’t convincing.

So everyone dreams of getting ‘super powers’ when they get old enough. We all know it’s like winning the lottery, it’s so rare. What they never talk about on the news is the stupid ones. The media gets all caught up in the “flying man” and the “woman who can lift a tank” or even the “kid who can turn into a dog” that nobody pays attention to the people who get shafted. Like me.

I discovered last week, while doodling with my favorite pen, that I can make things change color.

Yeah, that’s it. The full extent of my mighty power. Which I had just demonstrated to my friend Jeremy by turning a sock from black to green. Exciting, right? Yeah, if you’re into mildly amusing party tricks.

“So um… how big a thing can you do?” Jeremy asked. This time he seemed more contrite, maybe picking up on my moping.

“I haven’t done anything larger than a shirt,” I replied. “I guess I could do more. Maybe even living things, though I don’t see that being any more useful.”

“You could make a killing as an interior decorator!” Jeremy crowed. “No more picking out paints, shopping forever for that perfect upholstery…”

I chucked a pillow at him, incidentally turning it orange along the way. Hey, control comes with practice, okay?

“Why am I still friends with you?” I asked. His retort was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Yeah?” I called. My mom walked in, holding her phone.

“Um, Gary?” she said. “There’s a gentleman on the phone that wants to talk to you. He says he’s from the Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs.”

Huh?

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