Boiling Water

“A pot of boiling water? Really?”

“Hey, don’t knock it ’til –”

“We have a horde of orcs, demons, and some unidentifiable sort of hexapeds bearing down on the keep. And you want us to start boiling pots of water.”

“Well, they’re not just pots…”

“Okay. Fine. Great, big, enormous kettles of water. Wouldn’t we be better off with oil?”

“Nah, the demons would just shrug it off.”

“But, what they’re scared of water?”

“No, not so much. It’s just that –”

“Are they afraid it’s going to ruin their manicures? Get their little toes all wrinkly?”

“Look, forget about the demons for a second.”

“Forget about the demons? They’re ten-freaking-feet tall and surrounded in an aura of despair. I don’t think any of us are going to be forgetting about the demons!”

“It’s not about the demons, okay? At least, not just about the demons. Look, we don’t have a lot of time. Can you just tell your men to get started?”

“Okay, fine. Order given. We didn’t have enough oil for those pots, anyway. Now are you going to tell me what this ridiculousness is about?”

“I’ve been trying to. You see, while we don’t have –“

“And make it quick.”

“Right. We don’t have combat mages. We do have weather mages. Really, really good ones. And a boiling kettle is just what they need to start a storm. The bigger the pot, the bigger the storm.”

“Okay, so it rains. The orcs and demons and whatchamacallits get wet. How does this help us?”

“You see Marvin over there? He’s become a pretty crack shot with lightning.”

“…well why didn’t you just lead with that?”